The Spiral Library
An experimental space to hold collections of musings, inspiration, creation, questions, answers, thoughts, feelings, etc. A bit like a blog but... different and ever evolving.
The means to transformation
I always thought to transform I’d need to fix. Fix myself, fix my thinking, fix the way I parent, fix our lives, so we could transform into the sparkling image in my head. If I could just find the right book, the right course, the right advice, the right fix.
If ever there was a story without a shadow, it would be a myth.
For a long time I thought this was the goal: To live without the shadows, sorrow and fear, pain and suffering. I believed in a place where only sunshine and happiness existed. And this was no place I knew of and in that belief I was broken.
In the deep.
Within this place I hold many questions and few answers and the questions are as wide as they are deep. I wonder why I am here, what my purpose is and where am I going? I wonder, do I have a gift to share? They say we all do, but I’ve been searching, grasping around in the deep, as if underwater gasping for air, and my hands do not find their way to anything solid.
To love and let go.
Those first steps, we’ve been waiting for them, watching you getting closer and closer to autonomy. And then you are off and there's no stopping you. Suddenly your tiny hand wants nothing to do with mine and I imagine it’s like watching birds fly and suddenly sprouting wings.
Wilting, we begin again.
Over and over we begin again. Begin again. Begin again. A mantra that brings me back in moments that seem ruined. And I watch you watching me observing the way I begin again in the challenging moments when I’m not my best self, or rather when I’m not the version of myself that seems best. I watch you watching me and suddenly I witness you reflecting back what you see, and it’s the greatest gift to know that you feel safe enough to say, “Mama you can take a deep breath now.” You smile at me and we begin again.
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
—
Eckhart Tolle