The means to transformation

I always thought to transform I’d need to fix. Fix myself, fix my thinking, fix the way I parent, fix our lives, so we could transform into the sparkling image in my head. If I could just find the right book, the right course, the right advice, the right fix. And in this endless searching I never thought to pause. To pause the constant efforting and just be still and observe.

And when I did, I finally realized that everything was already sparkling, and the piles of laundry became reminders of the beautiful little bodies that dance and run about in mud puddles splashing dirt on their knees, and the sacks of dishes became love poems written in spaghetti sauce. And my unconscious mantra that I’d sigh out in exhaustion, “it never ends”, transformed in the light of gratitude, a reminder that it never ends. And all we are really here to do is learn to be as fully present in each moment of the never ending, with as much tenderness as we can, especially in the moments when we can’t seem to find the sparkling.