The Spiral Library
An experimental space to hold collections of musings, inspiration, creation, questions, answers, thoughts, feelings, etc. A bit like a blog but... different and ever evolving in spiralic motion.
Poem №008
Today I am...
Full of a heaviness
Made of a thousand
Questions
And the rawness of
Grief.
They found
A tiny bird’s egg
Abandoned in a nest
At the base
Of a thorn bush.
She cried
For the life
Caught in the shell.
She cried
For the mother
Who left.
And she cried
For the part in her
That saw itself
In both.
Poem №007
We drove to the seashore
and spent the day playing in the sand.
We stayed until the sun went down
and drove home past the wildflowers.
They fell asleep in the backseat.
Sun-kissed cheeks, full hearts.
Happy, grateful, more please
Poem №006
When I am soft
Squishy
Open raw
I am movable
Adaptable
Responsive
Connected.
When I am hard
Armored
Defensive
I am rigid
Stuck
Reactive
Disconnected.
Sort is vulnerable
Heart wide open
Feel it all.
Hard is separate
False control
Numb to truth.
Soft is love.
Hard is fear.
They taught us to fear
But we were made to love
Made of love.
Love is soft
Soft is strong
Stronger than fear
I am soft.
Poem №005
Tender heart feeling
You care so much it hurts let
It break you open
Poem №004
It wasn’t easy
And I wasn’t sure
And I didn’t know
Which way to go.
But something deep
Below the fear
Led me toward
A softer way.
Poem №003
It’s painful
To be reminded
That I could lose
The flesh and bone
Of you
In an unforgiving
Unimaginable
Instant.
That all of this
Is fleeting.
That one day
My arms could reach
For the comfort of you
And find only
Empty space
Where you once lay
Soft and full
My whole world
Stretched out
Beside me.
It isn’t fair
That love requires
Facing
The most
Unimaginable
Heartbreak.
To love
Heart wide-open
Is to give
The wholeness of self
To what could be,
Will be,
Lost.
So, I look into you
Now
In this fleeting
Present moment
Hanging by a thread
In mid-air
Heart wide-open
And I find
The place
In you
Beyond flesh and bone
And there
I plant my love
In the space
That never ends.
And I pray
That when we lose
The flesh and bone
Of us
That the seed
Of our love
Will carry on
In the infinity
Of space
That exists
Beyond.
Poem №002
I found you
in a desert flower
made of paper and paint
high up in the blue sky.
Upon a crumbling world
something deep in me
recognized something in you.
Your eyes
took me home.
Unconditional love
at first sight.
I had no idea
how far I’d fallen
until my heart
escaped my chest.
Entirely exposed
under the night sky.
We were written
in the stars
and grew up together.
Now we wake up
wrapped in one another.
And we’re growing up
all over again.
Heart companions.
A fairy tale
lived in layers.
Poem №001
We were standing on the edge.
An abyss before us.
Our whole lives laid out on the earth.
No turning back
An inevitable end.
We had a choice:
To die before our time
Or abandon the illusion
Live into the moment
Embody the present.
We chose to live
And became an ocean
Expanding beyond everything.
And the end
Became the beginning
And we were free at last.
Planting roots deep within the soul
I will plant my roots firmly in the soil of my own being, connected to my truth, tethered to and supported by the earth…
The means to transformation
I always thought to transform I’d need to fix. Fix myself, fix my thinking, fix the way I parent, fix our lives, so we could transform into the sparkling image in my head. If I could just find the right book, the right course, the right advice, the right fix.
If ever there was a story without a shadow, it would be a myth.
For a long time I thought this was the goal: To live without the shadows, sorrow and fear, pain and suffering. I believed in a place where only sunshine and happiness existed. And this was no place I knew of and in that belief I was broken.
In the deep.
Within this place I hold many questions and few answers and the questions are as wide as they are deep. I wonder why I am here, what my purpose is and where am I going? I wonder, do I have a gift to share? They say we all do, but I’ve been searching, grasping around in the deep, as if underwater gasping for air, and my hands do not find their way to anything solid.
To love and let go.
Those first steps, we’ve been waiting for them, watching you getting closer and closer to autonomy. And then you are off and there's no stopping you. Suddenly your tiny hand wants nothing to do with mine and I imagine it’s like watching birds fly and suddenly sprouting wings.
Wilting, we begin again.
Over and over we begin again. Begin again. Begin again. A mantra that brings me back in moments that seem ruined. And I watch you watching me observing the way I begin again in the challenging moments when I’m not my best self, or rather when I’m not the version of myself that seems best. I watch you watching me and suddenly I witness you reflecting back what you see, and it’s the greatest gift to know that you feel safe enough to say, “Mama you can take a deep breath now.” You smile at me and we begin again.
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
—
Eckhart Tolle