The Spiral Library
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An experimental space to hold collections of musings, inspiration, creation, questions, answers, thoughts, feelings, etc.
Poem №029
I’m tired of trying to figure it all out and get it all right.
I want to live the experience of my unfolding,
to be present in the moments of discovery,
to lean into the embrace of the unknown.
I’m tired of trying to catch up to a place
I think I should have already arrived at.
I want to wake up to this moment.
This life.
The sound of this home creaking in the night.
The particular smell of the damp moss this spring.
The exact shape of my child’s face at nearly eight years old.
I’m tired of believing I haven’t done enough,
of the urgency to be and do more,
endlessly racing toward an ever-moving finish line.
I want to lie down on the floor
and feel time flash by
and realize the miracle
of my being, breathing, unproductive,
and the sky didn’t fall.
I want to cook pasta with the windows open,
music playing and candles lit.
I want to dance in circles
while I stir the boiling water,
add the pesto,
chop the tomatoes,
and lick the juice from my fingers.
I want to sit down slowly at the table
surrounded by my people,
fresh flowers from the garden
perfuming the air,
and nowhere to be but here.
I want my mind to be emptied of the lists
and purified of the judgment that measures up to no one.
I want each breath to be a prayer to this present moment.
May I live into the details of this life,
the damp moss in spring,
my children’s changing faces,
a home that creaks and speaks in the night,
pesto pasta melting on our tongues.
May my body relax into these moments,
letting the stress and fear,
urgency and rushing,
melt down my spine and into the earth.
May this life be a living, breathing, poetic unfolding.
May I be alive and awake enough to experience it.
Poem №028
If I could give you one thing right now
It would be permission.
Permission to set down expectations
And move toward desire.
Permission to let go of urgency
And sink into presence.
Permission to stop trying to do like them
And do it your way.
Permission to forgive yourself
And become your own adoring best friend.
Permission to stop hiding
And let yourself be seen.
Permission to let go of worst-case scenarios
And trust that everything is unfolding in right-timing.
Permission to
Know what you really know
Feel what you really feel
Say what you really mean
Do what you really want.
But this kind of permission
Is not mine to give.
This kind of permission breaks chains
Heals ancestral wounds
Opens portals to other realms.
And only you
Can give yourself
That kind of power.
Poem №027
To those who wander, seeking, searching:
Let yourself be led deep
into the wildness within you.
Let this place inside you flourish,
nurtured by your undivided attention.
Let this place inside guide
you through the world.
Let it take you to places you
never dreamed were possible.
Let it hold you.
Let it heal you.
Let it set you free.
Poem №026
She was afraid of abandoning
Didn’t want to be left alone
She wanted desperately to belong
So she twisted in knots
trying to fit the molds
of everyone around her
But she wasn’t made that way
she cared too much
and felt too deeply
and saw things too clearly
So, one day
she stopped.
And she quit
trying so hard
for everyone else
and began
loving herself
into freedom.
She finally belonged
to herself
Where she fit
just right
And was never
alone again.
Poem №025
I face the dragon
With sword and shield
I tense my muscles
Bracing for impact
I want to retreat
To run and hide
But I can see relief
On the other side
But as I step forward
I realize the dragon
Lives within me and
To get to the light
I have to brave my dark inside
Where the dragon awaits
In a cloud of shame
Once inside
I’m surprised to find
My only job
Is to hold the beast
With unconditional love
Until she feels safe enough
To simply rest
Poem №024
The only way out
is though.
A tunnel of discomfort
lined with thorns of shame.
I’ve been here
a thousand times.
And it still makes me
want to hide.
It was never safe
to feel this much.
Stomach turns,
heart pounding.
It takes courage to pause
in the eye of the storm.
Breath slowly softens
the tightness in my chest.
This is me practicing a new way
of being with what’s present
and caring for my whole self.
Poem №023
The sky is a perfect blue
Punctuated by white puffy clouds
The mountains rise like giants
Watching over the valley
We gathered wildflowers
And brought them to our first home
We walked through the forests
And filled our lungs with healing
My heart aches to say goodbye
This place holds a piece of me
And so many other parts of me don’t belong here
I don’t know how to wrap my whole self up
I don’t know how to hold the whole thing
And maybe that’s okay
But my heart aches
And I’m not used to staying open to the ache
I’m not used to staying when I could run
Or unraveling when I could numb
So I turn forward the blue sky
And I drive towards the mountains
And I’ll sit with the wildflowers
And I’ll breathe another breath
And I’ll let the ache take me with it
And maybe there I’ll touch the wholeness
Of the thing I’m so afraid to let go of
Poem №022
There are moments in life
that you’ll want
to hold onto so tightly
you’ll try to squeeze
every bit out of them
hoping by some miracle
they’ll never end
And in all your efforting
to be fully present
to soak it all in
to make the most of it
you’ll forget to
let go of control
and just be there
in the details
with the parts
that will only ever exist
in that one precious moment.
So your invitation is
to embrace the grief
of the inevitable ending
the potential forgetting
the heartache of time passing
And trust that
what was meant for you
will stay with you
imprinted on your heart
long after the mind
can no longer reach it.
Poem №021
She emerged from her cocoon
And suddenly she could fly
And all she wanted were wildflowers
And the wind beneath her wings
And everything else turned to dust
And she was free at last
Poem №020
The path that leads
To the lake of the clouds
Is full of sticks and stones
Lined by aspen young and old
The wind moves through the forest
Like waves on an ocean of pine trees
My only companion
The sound of my own footsteps
On the same earth I walked as a child
We used to sit on stumps
Along the edge
Taking breaks to catch our breath
Dad would feed us trail mix
Eyes closed we’d try to guess
What morsel he’d fed us
He told us the same stories
All along the way
To keep our tired feet moving
Bear claws on a tree
Our picture rock
The old mine
Chapters in our made-up book
If I close my eyes
Deep breath in
It’s like I’m there again.
Poem №019
The rain here smells like
Dust and childhood
And sagebrush.
The past whispers
In the breeze
And I’m there again.
The mountain child
Dirt on her soles
Wind in her hair
Wild and free
And wide open
To awe and wonder.
Poem №018
Please understand
I tried to free you
From your suffering
I really did
With every smile
Each apology for the things
You said I did
In every elaborate gift
That was never enough
In all the ways I tried to be
What I thought
You thought perfect was
I tried to love you
Into loving yourself
But it turns out
That’s not how it works
And ultimately
To be anything for you
I’d first have to save
The only life I could save
I’d have to learn
To love myself
The way I tried so hard
To love you
Unconditionally
And with all my heart and soul.
Poem №017
We took flight
And from way up high
We could see far and wide
And all across the earth
People built homes
Out of sticks and stones
And they searched
For safety and belonging
And some prayed for peace
And each one tried their best
With what they had
And even when
It wasn’t perfect
They began again
And eventually
All the tiny homes
And the flesh and bones
Would turn to dust
And all that would remain
Was the love they gave
From the stardust
Of their hearts
As they tried to put
A world together
Poem №016
My heart wants to be known
My voice wants to be heard
There's a place inside
That longs for connection.
I arrive at the blank page
In a daily practice
Of meeting and hearing myself.
And the words spill free
And there she is
And she is wise
And she is tender
And she is alive with light
And she has magic in her bones
And still she is afraid
Every time she risks
Being seen
Being heard
Being known.
But she is also courageous
And brilliant
And brave
And she is learning to trust herself
And she is coming to know
The strength in her softness
And the power in heart.
And so she returns
Again and again
Day after day
Risking rejection
Finally ready for
Deep connection
Finally ready to be fully seen
Whole and free
Risking her heart wide open
No longer willing
To edit her brilliance.
Poem №015
It’s all just a series
Of departures and arrivals.
One after another
We take flight
Hoping at some point
To land in a place
That feels like safety
Like freedom
Like magic
Like home.
Poem №014
You were fine
You said
Until you weren’t
And everything
You held inside
Came pouring out
And finally
You were honest
And the truth
Set you free
Poem №013
Bones ache, deep heart wound
Portal opens to relief
But first, you must feel
Poem №012
We are walking
The unknown path.
Reaching toward
A bigger dream.
We find our way
Through feeling.
Our destination
is not yet known.
It’s a place,
a world,
a humanity
That has yet
To exist this way.
Though it’s sometimes
hard to tell
And easy to forget
We don’t walk this path alone.
Beyond the veil of fog
That lines this unknown path
Are the faces of all those
Who walked this way before.
Those who dared to believe
In the bigger dream.
They call us forward now
Urging us to trust
In the place we have yet to know.
The place that we’ll call home.
Poem №011
“Busy” happens and
I lose myself
In the tidal wave of
Too much to do
And not enough time.
The only way back is
Through a courageous act
Of resistance.
Dare to stop
Stand still
Deep breath
Lay down
Remember what’s real.
Here and now.
Same as always.
“Busy” was always
Just an illusion.
Poem №010
I’m going back
to the place we first called home.
I’m going back
to find what was lost.
I’m going back
to scoop her up.
I’m going back
to hold her close.
I’m going back
to remind her I never really left.
I’m going back
to set us free.
I’m going back
to the wild.
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
—
Eckhart Tolle