Day 14 : Weekly Reflection
Today, marks the last day of the 14-day creative trek, which began here. While I do feel a sense of accomplishment at having shown up each day for the past 14 days, I am also still feeling the discomfort of the question, “What’s the point?” that showed up around day ten and has been lingering since.
This is a threshold I know well, a place of choice that I’ve come to many times before. Where the options are to, either take the familiar path, to listen to the voice and let the dark and painful feeling of being alone in a pointless universe where nothing makes sense, take over, swallow me, and pull me into a state of numb retreat, or to keep showing up, keep taking the next step, down the unknown path, not by ignoring the voice in the dark, but by gently questioning, and continuing to experiment.
In this moment, the known path of giving up and retreating back into hiding feels admittedly easier to choose. “What’s the point?” feels impossible to answer with any kind of certainty or conviction at this moment in time, when the world really does feel like it’s spinning out of control and at a speed like never before. But there’s also this small glimmer of, “Why not experiment with something new?” that seems to offer a light in the darkness ahead.
And so, I will continue taking the next step. I will keep sharing something here daily, and for the next seven days, I am going to experiment with the medium of poetry and painting. I think right now I need more space to express what doesn’t make sense to me yet. More space to be in the liminal, the questions, the darkness of the unknown. And I have found that poetry and painting are the best way for me to move what is swirling inside of me out and into the open.
THIS WEEK’S HAPPENINGS / FOCUS:
- The Artist’s Way Week 7
- Completion of the Labyrinth 14-Day Trek
- Freelance design projects
- Lunch with a friend
- Visit with my uncle
- Very few appointments
GLIMMERS:
- A long talk with my uncle that circled around AI, human nature, self-reflection, enlightenment, and the meaning of a human life. We went deep and wide as per usual.
- The beginning of a new season with the Pattern Interruption Group
- Many forest walks and collecting autumn leaves with my children.
1. What felt energizing, satisfying, or alive this week?
Candles. Taking walks alone. Lying on my living room floor. Starting a new novel, picked up from a little free library, called Setting Free the Kites. An hour of collaging and tiny daily paintings. Consistently keeping the surfaces in my studio clear and ready for creative play.
2. What felt draining, forced, or out of sync?
Still staying up too late. Discomfort after dark and how I avoid the fifteen to twenty minutes between turning the lights out and finally falling asleep. My body was sore and my muscles were tight. I can tell I’m holding something (or many things) in my physical body that I don’t seem to be ready to feel just yet.
Food. I feel no desire to engage with it in any kind of meaningful way. I would like to feel inspired in the space of nurturing my body through food again. Right now, it all just feels like a lot of effort, and I find myself wanting to engage with it in as little as possible.
3. What do I want to remember or carry forward?
How nice it felt to have so few appointments. All the time and space for moving slowly. No need to rush anywhere when days aren’t packed so full. A weekend with no plans.
Watching my Grandmother and Cai setting up their little furniture store with all her old dollhouse pieces. How they organized it by room, just like Ikea, and set up everything just so. Grandma said she’d stayed up late lying in bed the night before Cai’s visit, thinking about this sweet game that they’d play together.
The color of the trees as the seasons change. I don’t want to blink, knowing all the beautiful leaves will all fall to the ground before I know it.
EXPRESSIONS OF OCTOBER 2025 — TINY DAILY PAINTINGS:
There were many days that felt foggy and heavy and raw/tender. Grounding was deeply important.
LISTENED TO: A lot of Coldplay. This album and this one in particular. With the volume turned up loud. My inner teenager seemed to really need it this week.
WATCHED: Punch Drunk Love, Greenberg, and the new season of Loot. And while the first two (movies) gave us (Che and I) a lot to think about, I don’t know that I would recommend any of them...
