I remember
and forget,
remember
and forget,
remember
and forget.

Each time convinced
the present state
will last forever
only to find myself
rising and falling
with the shockingly
predictable rhythm
of the ebb and flow
of growing
healing
living
being

Am I still breathing?

I awaken
only to fall
back asleep
over and again.

It’s much less painful
to surrender
than it is to resist,
but oh how we cling
to control
as if our lives
depend on it.

Try to remember
just one thing:
‍ ‍Everything is always changing
‍ ‍and so are we.

And darling,
when you forget,
in your predictable rhythm,
try also to trust
you’ll remember again.

Boiling to the surface
At the edge of spilling over

I am angry
And I’m angry that I’m angry
And you're angry too
And it’s supposed to be
“The most wonderful time of the year”
But we have precious little reference for that

All we ever knew was a thin veneer
Covering a complicated darkness
A maze of unmet needs
Layered atop generational resentment

I don’t want to feel like this
I don’t want to be like this

And the little one in me
Forever fantasizing
About the happy joy magic
Still has hope
Despite all the evidence

I’m afraid
What if nothing really changes?

Or maybe this is change
The small pause
Creating space for all parts
Gentle healing
Through acknowledgement
Of what is present

No forced smiles
No fake joy
No more pretending
Resistance melts slowly

It’s okay to feel sad
It’s okay to feel grief
It’s okay to want to feel safe again

The portal

to deep connection
where you can feel
the stardust
in your bones
and know belonging
in your being

begins within

Immersing deep
within the living
being
breathing
present
self

Following
the golden thread
of desire and delight

The kind of joy
that makes children
deep belly laugh
the kind of warmth
that makes you
feel alive
and whole and
good

It’s safe to feel good
It’s good to feel good

In this place
there’s no work to be done
no five year plans to be made
no need for efforting
or control

From this place
it all just happens

Trust
surrender
whatever you’d like to call it
it’s a here and now practice

This is where
the edges dissolve
and you remember
how immense you are

The way to the universe
is though the individual
and your most efficient path
is that of presence

What is a poem?
Sometimes a prayer,
A spell cast into the universe,
Or a message in a bottle
Dropped into an infinite sea

Words strung together
We build little boats
Hoping they’ll transport us

Sometimes just a list
Made up of truths
Or grief
Or wishes

Little by little
Line by line
Opening the heart
Refocusing our attention

How much easier
It would have been
To give up
A thousand times over

To choose the warn path
Walking in the footsteps
Of generations of avoidance
Toward a slow death
Into a pit of darkness and suffering

But we couldn’t bear it
We imagined another way
And found the support we needed
To do the painful work
Of stepping directly
Into the discomfort

Through the portals of grief
We moved toward
An unsettlingly
Unfamiliar freedom

Into the embrace
Of loving ourselves
We made it possible
To truly love one another
Wide open and honest

There is nothing left to say

I’m no longer willing
To betray myself for your comfort

I’m moving toward truth
While you remain blinded by fear

One day, I hope you’ll join me here
But know this: I won’t be coming back your way

It was our fairy tail
Floating on the saltwater sea
Holding hands
Seaweed tickling our toes
Cradled by the waves
The sun setting in the bright blue sky
We watched the golden light
Touch the moss drenched cypress trees
A coyote dashed across the sand
We were wide eyed in awe
Beauty in every little detail

This is our fairy tail
Oh how I love you
Oh how I love this love

Aftershocks rage through my body
Fifteen years past the main event
Pain that is deep and unrelenting
To fight it is to press into the bruises

The invitation is to surrender
But how can I trust myself
to make it to the other side?

Today I am…

Earth tether
Hold me

When the world
Shakes
Catch me

When the
Ground breaks
Know me

When I
Don’t know
Show me

Where you are
There I am
Anchored

We are connected
Never separate
Great mother
Bring me home
Hold me close

It’s safe
To let go
Let crack
Break open
Spill out

You aren’t too much
The universe is vast
Let yourself be large

You are uncontainable
You are complex
You are living
Breathing
Being

You don’t need
To hold yourself
Together anymore

It’s safe
To let go
Be you
Messy
Raw
Vulnerable
Whole

Your tender heart
What a gift

The practice
must be organic
ebb then flow
ocean dance
saltwater surrender
deep exhale
lost in the spiral
we return anew
and then repeat

you’ll get familiar
with discomfort
she’ll be
your companion
a hand to hold
release resistance
grow toward the light
but don’t forget the dark