The Spiral Library
—
An organized collection of musings, inspiration, creation, questions, answers, thoughts, feelings, and more.
Poem №034
Birth is an alarming entry
From the dark cave
Of a mother’s womb
We are spit out
Into the wilderness
Of an unforgiving world
And we begin the journey
Raw, vulnerable,
With the jagged edges
Of all the unlearned lessons
From every life you’ve already lived
Like rough stones
Dropped into an ocean,
Our life becomes a series
Of ebbs and flows
As each wave pulls us
This way and that,
Smoothing out our rough edges,
Dragging us through
The same lessons
Again and again
Though you will resist
With all your strength,
Your first invitation:
Is to release the control
You never really had,
And to surrender yourself
To the experience of returning
Again and again
To the lesson you thought you learned,
The pain you thought you healed,
And to return
To the most jagged
Of wounded edges,
The ones that ask
For the kind of healing
That requires
A lifetime
Of being rolled
Over and over
In the inner ocean
And slowly, but slowly,
As you meet your many layers
With the intimacy
Of a lifelong partner
As you become the adoring
Companion of your own heart
And the roughest
Of your edges soften
You’ll find the pearl
Of unconditional love
That resides within you
Polished by a lifetime
Of being nurtured by
Your inner ocean
Poem №031
Let yourself fall
From the pedestal
Let your armor
Break and fall away
Inside of you is
Everything
You’ve been searching for
And all the light
You were afraid
You’d never find
Poem №030
You want so badly
To “let it go”
To “move on”
To “get over it”
But you were never meant to be the kind of person
Who could blindly force your way
To the peak of the mountain
They built on the backs of others
The world you’re moving toward
Requires your whole self
And while the world may tell you differently,
That, my love, is your magic wand, your super power
So you slow down
You get quiet
You breathe into the tightness in your chest
Into the resistance that puts the brakes on
Like a toddler who will not be made to walk to the car
And you listen
You listen for the whispers
From the parts of you
Who are unwilling to be forced forward any longer
To the parts of you
That demand to be cared for
Listened to, honored
And as with any “unreasonable” toddler
When you get curious,
When you meet yourself with gentle inquiry
Instead of force, impatience, irritation
These parts willingly offer you the keys
You need to unlock the dam
That’s blocking your flow
And your job is to continue to go slowly
To not rush the process
To move with exquisite care
As you journey toward a world
That would shock your ancestors
A world where the compass that guides you
Points toward love, generosity,
Abundance in community
Where belonging is found
In an ocean of unconditional support and guidance
Imbued in all that is seen and unseen
Where freedom comes from knowing
And honoring your whole self
With unwavering and radical self-love
I need you to know that
While the tools you used to get yourself this far
Won’t help you on this next step of the adventure,
The well of love you’ve uncovered
Can take you anywhere and everywhere
So, take your own hand
Move with abundant care
Let loving kindness be your compass
And I’ll meet you there
Where they never dreamed we could go
The place only our hearts know
Poem №029
I’m tired of trying to figure it all out and get it all right.
I want to live the experience of my unfolding,
to be present in the moments of discovery,
to lean into the embrace of the unknown.
I’m tired of trying to catch up to a place
I think I should have already arrived at.
I want to wake up to this moment.
This life.
The sound of this home creaking in the night.
The particular smell of the damp moss this spring.
The exact shape of my child’s face at nearly eight years old.
I’m tired of believing I haven’t done enough,
of the urgency to be and do more,
endlessly racing toward an ever-moving finish line.
I want to lie down on the floor
and feel time flash by
and realize the miracle
of my being, breathing, unproductive,
and the sky didn’t fall.
I want to cook pasta with the windows open,
music playing and candles lit.
I want to dance in circles
while I stir the boiling water,
add the pesto,
chop the tomatoes,
and lick the juice from my fingers.
I want to sit down slowly at the table
surrounded by my people,
fresh flowers from the garden
perfuming the air,
and nowhere to be but here.
I want my mind to be emptied of the lists
and purified of the judgment that measures up to no one.
I want each breath to be a prayer to this present moment.
May I live into the details of this life,
the damp moss in spring,
my children’s changing faces,
a home that creaks and speaks in the night,
pesto pasta melting on our tongues.
May my body relax into these moments,
letting the stress and fear,
urgency and rushing,
melt down my spine and into the earth.
May this life be a living, breathing, poetic unfolding.
May I be alive and awake enough to experience it.
Poem №028
If I could give you one thing right now
It would be permission.
Permission to set down expectations
And move toward desire.
Permission to let go of urgency
And sink into presence.
Permission to stop trying to do like them
And do it your way.
Permission to forgive yourself
And become your own adoring best friend.
Permission to stop hiding
And let yourself be seen.
Permission to let go of worst-case scenarios
And trust that everything is unfolding in right-timing.
Permission to
Know what you really know
Feel what you really feel
Say what you really mean
Do what you really want.
But this kind of permission
Is not mine to give.
This kind of permission breaks chains
Heals ancestral wounds
Opens portals to other realms.
And only you
Can give yourself
That kind of power.
Poem №026
She was afraid of abandoning
Didn’t want to be left alone
She wanted desperately to belong
So she twisted in knots
trying to fit the molds
of everyone around her
But she wasn’t made that way
she cared too much
and felt too deeply
and saw things too clearly
So, one day
she stopped.
And she quit
trying so hard
for everyone else
and began
loving herself
into freedom.
She finally belonged
to herself
Where she fit
just right
And was never
alone again.
Poem №024
The only way out
is though.
A tunnel of discomfort
lined with thorns of shame.
I’ve been here
a thousand times.
And it still makes me
want to hide.
It was never safe
to feel this much.
Stomach turns,
heart pounding.
It takes courage to pause
in the eye of the storm.
Breath slowly softens
the tightness in my chest.
This is me practicing a new way
of being with what’s present
and caring for my whole self.
Poem №018
Please understand
I tried to free you
From your suffering
I really did
With every smile
Each apology for the things
You said I did
In every elaborate gift
That was never enough
In all the ways I tried to be
What I thought
You thought perfect was
I tried to love you
Into loving yourself
But it turns out
That’s not how it works
And ultimately
To be anything for you
I’d first have to save
The only life I could save
I’d have to learn
To love myself
The way I tried so hard
To love you
Unconditionally
And with all my heart and soul.
Poem №016
My heart wants to be known
My voice wants to be heard
There's a place inside
That longs for connection.
I arrive at the blank page
In a daily practice
Of meeting and hearing myself.
And the words spill free
And there she is
And she is wise
And she is tender
And she is alive with light
And she has magic in her bones
And still she is afraid
Every time she risks
Being seen
Being heard
Being known.
But she is also courageous
And brilliant
And brave
And she is learning to trust herself
And she is coming to know
The strength in her softness
And the power in heart.
And so she returns
Again and again
Day after day
Risking rejection
Finally ready for
Deep connection
Finally ready to be fully seen
Whole and free
Risking her heart wide open
No longer willing
To edit her brilliance.
Poem №010
I’m going back
to the place we first called home.
I’m going back
to find what was lost.
I’m going back
to scoop her up.
I’m going back
to hold her close.
I’m going back
to remind her I never really left.
I’m going back
to set us free.
I’m going back
to the wild.
Poem №009
She moved so fast
A bolt of lightning
I couldn’t understand.
I hid you deep
To numb the pain
And there you stayed.
Decades later
You’re crying out:
Bring me home again.
If ever there was a story without a shadow, it would be a myth.
For a long time I thought this was the goal: To live without the shadows, sorrow and fear, pain and suffering. I believed in a place where only sunshine and happiness existed. And this was no place I knew of and in that belief I was broken.
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.”
—
Eckhart Tolle