365 Poems
A poem a day for a year.
I’m tired of trying to figure it all out and get it all right.
I want to live the experience of my unfolding,
to be present in the moments of discovery,
to lean into the embrace of the unknown.
I’m tired of trying to catch up to a place
I think I should have already arrived at.
I want to wake up to this moment.
This life.
The sound of this home creaking in the night.
The particular smell of the damp moss this spring.
The exact shape of my child’s face at nearly eight years old.
I’m tired of believing I haven’t done enough,
of the urgency to be and do more,
endlessly racing toward an ever-moving finish line.
I want to lie down on the floor
and feel time flash by
and realize the miracle
of my being, breathing, unproductive,
and the sky didn’t fall.
I want to cook pasta with the windows open,
music playing and candles lit.
I want to dance in circles
while I stir the boiling water,
add the pesto,
chop the tomatoes,
and lick the juice from my fingers.
I want to sit down slowly at the table
surrounded by my people,
fresh flowers from the garden
perfuming the air,
and nowhere to be but here.
I want my mind to be emptied of the lists
and purified of the judgment that measures up to no one.
I want each breath to be a prayer to this present moment.
May I live into the details of this life,
the damp moss in spring,
my children’s changing faces,
a home that creaks and speaks in the night,
pesto pasta melting on our tongues.
May my body relax into these moments,
letting the stress and fear,
urgency and rushing,
melt down my spine and into the earth.
May this life be a living, breathing, poetic unfolding.
May I be alive and awake enough to experience it.
If I could give you one thing right now
It would be permission.
Permission to set down expectations
And move toward desire.
Permission to let go of urgency
And sink into presence.
Permission to stop trying to do like them
And do it your way.
Permission to forgive yourself
And become your own adoring best friend.
Permission to stop hiding
And let yourself be seen.
Permission to let go of worst-case scenarios
And trust that everything is unfolding in right-timing.
Permission to
Know what you really know
Feel what you really feel
Say what you really mean
Do what you really want.
But this kind of permission
Is not mine to give.
This kind of permission breaks chains
Heals ancestral wounds
Opens portals to other realms.
And only you
Can give yourself
That kind of power.
To those who wander, seeking, searching:
Let yourself be led deep
into the wildness within you.
Let this place inside you flourish,
nurtured by your undivided attention.
Let this place inside guide
you through the world.
Let it take you to places you
never dreamed were possible.
Let it hold you.
Let it heal you.
Let it set you free.
She was afraid of abandoning
Didn’t want to be left alone
She wanted desperately to belong
So she twisted in knots
trying to fit the molds
of everyone around her
But she wasn’t made that way
she cared too much
and felt too deeply
and saw things too clearly
So, one day
she stopped.
And she quit
trying so hard
for everyone else
and began
loving herself
into freedom.
She finally belonged
to herself
Where she fit
just right
And was never
alone again.
I face the dragon
With sword and shield
I tense my muscles
Bracing for impact
I want to retreat
To run and hide
But I can see relief
On the other side
But as I step forward
I realize the dragon
Lives within me and
To get to the light
I have to brave my dark inside
Where the dragon awaits
In a cloud of shame
Once inside
I’m surprised to find
My only job
Is to hold the beast
With unconditional love
Until she feels safe enough
To simply rest
The only way out
is though.
A tunnel of discomfort
lined with thorns of shame.
I’ve been here
a thousand times.
And it still makes me
want to hide.
It was never safe
to feel this much.
Stomach turns,
heart pounding.
It takes courage to pause
in the eye of the storm.
Breath slowly softens
the tightness in my chest.
This is me practicing a new way
of being with what’s present
and caring for my whole self.
The sky is a perfect blue
Punctuated by white puffy clouds
The mountains rise like giants
Watching over the valley
We gathered wildflowers
And brought them to our first home
We walked through the forests
And filled our lungs with healing
My heart aches to say goodbye
This place holds a piece of me
And so many other parts of me don’t belong here
I don’t know how to wrap my whole self up
I don’t know how to hold the whole thing
And maybe that’s okay
But my heart aches
And I’m not used to staying open to the ache
I’m not used to staying when I could run
Or unraveling when I could numb
So I turn forward the blue sky
And I drive towards the mountains
And I’ll sit with the wildflowers
And I’ll breathe another breath
And I’ll let the ache take me with it
And maybe there I’ll touch the wholeness
Of the thing I’m so afraid to let go of
There are moments in life
that you’ll want
to hold onto so tightly
you’ll try to squeeze
every bit out of them
hoping by some miracle
they’ll never end
And in all your efforting
to be fully present
to soak it all in
to make the most of it
you’ll forget to
let go of control
and just be there
in the details
with the parts
that will only ever exist
in that one precious moment.
So your invitation is
to embrace the grief
of the inevitable ending
the potential forgetting
the heartache of time passing
And trust that
what was meant for you
will stay with you
imprinted on your heart
long after the mind
can no longer reach it.
The path that leads
To the lake of the clouds
Is full of sticks and stones
Lined by aspen young and old
The wind moves through the forest
Like waves on an ocean of pine trees
My only companion
The sound of my own footsteps
On the same earth I walked as a child
We used to sit on stumps
Along the edge
Taking breaks to catch our breath
Dad would feed us trail mix
Eyes closed we’d try to guess
What morsel he’d fed us
He told us the same stories
All along the way
To keep our tired feet moving
Bear claws on a tree
Our picture rock
The old mine
Chapters in our made-up book
If I close my eyes
Deep breath in
It’s like I’m there again.
The rain here smells like
Dust and childhood
And sagebrush.
The past whispers
In the breeze
And I’m there again.
The mountain child
Dirt on her soles
Wind in her hair
Wild and free
And wide open
To awe and wonder.
Please understand
I tried to free you
From your suffering
I really did
With every smile
Each apology for the things
You said I did
In every elaborate gift
That was never enough
In all the ways I tried to be
What I thought
You thought perfect was
I tried to love you
Into loving yourself
But it turns out
That’s not how it works
And ultimately
To be anything for you
I’d first have to save
The only life I could save
I’d have to learn
To love myself
The way I tried so hard
To love you
Unconditionally
And with all my heart and soul.
We took flight
And from way up high
We could see far and wide
And all across the earth
People built homes
Out of sticks and stones
And they searched
For safety and belonging
And some prayed for peace
And each one tried their best
With what they had
And even when
It wasn’t perfect
They began again
And eventually
All the tiny homes
And the flesh and bones
Would turn to dust
And all that would remain
Was the love they gave
From the stardust
Of their hearts
As they tried to put
A world together
My heart wants to be known
My voice wants to be heard
There's a place inside
That longs for connection.
I arrive at the blank page
In a daily practice
Of meeting and hearing myself.
And the words spill free
And there she is
And she is wise
And she is tender
And she is alive with light
And she has magic in her bones
And still she is afraid
Every time she risks
Being seen
Being heard
Being known.
But she is also courageous
And brilliant
And brave
And she is learning to trust herself
And she is coming to know
The strength in her softness
And the power in heart.
And so she returns
Again and again
Day after day
Risking rejection
Finally ready for
Deep connection
Finally ready to be fully seen
Whole and free
Risking her heart wide open
No longer willing
To edit her brilliance.
We are walking
The unknown path.
Reaching toward
A bigger dream.
We find our way
Through feeling.
Our destination
is not yet known.
It’s a place,
a world,
a humanity
That has yet
To exist this way.
Though it’s sometimes
hard to tell
And easy to forget
We don’t walk this path alone.
Beyond the veil of fog
That lines this unknown path
Are the faces of all those
Who walked this way before.
Those who dared to believe
In the bigger dream.
They call us forward now
Urging us to trust
In the place we have yet to know.
The place that we’ll call home.
“Busy” happens and
I lose myself
In the tidal wave of
Too much to do
And not enough time.
The only way back is
Through a courageous act
Of resistance.
Dare to stop
Stand still
Deep breath
Lay down
Remember what’s real.
Here and now.
Same as always.
“Busy” was always
Just an illusion.
I’m going back
to the place we first called home.
I’m going back
to find what was lost.
I’m going back
to scoop her up.
I’m going back
to hold her close.
I’m going back
to remind her I never really left.
I’m going back
to set us free.
I’m going back
to the wild.
She moved so fast
A bolt of lightning
I couldn’t understand.
I hid you deep
To numb the pain
And there you stayed.
Decades later
You’re crying out:
Bring me home again.
Today I am...
Full of a heaviness
Made of a thousand
Questions
And the rawness of
Grief.
They found
A tiny bird’s egg
Abandoned in a nest
At the base
Of a thorn bush.
She cried
For the life
Caught in the shell.
She cried
For the mother
Who left.
And she cried
For the part in her
That saw itself
In both.
We drove to the seashore
and spent the day playing in the sand.
We stayed until the sun went down
and drove home past the wildflowers.
They fell asleep in the backseat.
Sun-kissed cheeks, full hearts.
Happy, grateful, more please
When I am soft
Squishy
Open raw
I am movable
Adaptable
Responsive
Connected.
When I am hard
Armored
Defensive
I am rigid
Stuck
Reactive
Disconnected.
Sort is vulnerable
Heart wide open
Feel it all.
Hard is separate
False control
Numb to truth.
Soft is love.
Hard is fear.
They taught us to fear
But we were made to love
Made of love.
Love is soft
Soft is strong
Stronger than fear
I am soft.
It’s painful
To be reminded
That I could lose
The flesh and bone
Of you
In an unforgiving
Unimaginable
Instant.
That all of this
Is fleeting.
That one day
My arms could reach
For the comfort of you
And find only
Empty space
Where you once lay
Soft and full
My whole world
Stretched out
Beside me.
It isn’t fair
That love requires
Facing
The most
Unimaginable
Heartbreak.
To love
Heart wide-open
Is to give
The wholeness of self
To what could be,
Will be,
Lost.
So, I look into you
Now
In this fleeting
Present moment
Hanging by a thread
In mid-air
Heart wide-open
And I find
The place
In you
Beyond flesh and bone
And there
I plant my love
In the space
That never ends.
And I pray
That when we lose
The flesh and bone
Of us
That the seed
Of our love
Will carry on
In the infinity
Of space
That exists
Beyond.
I found you
in a desert flower
made of paper and paint
high up in the blue sky.
Upon a crumbling world
something deep in me
recognized something in you.
Your eyes
took me home.
Unconditional love
at first sight.
I had no idea
how far I’d fallen
until my heart
escaped my chest.
Entirely exposed
under the night sky.
We were written
in the stars
and grew up together.
Now we wake up
wrapped in one another.
And we’re growing up
all over again.
Heart companions.
A fairy tale
lived in layers.
We were standing on the edge.
An abyss before us.
Our whole lives laid out on the earth.
No turning back
An inevitable end.
We had a choice:
To die before our time
Or abandon the illusion
Live into the moment
Embody the present.
We chose to live
And became an ocean
Expanding beyond everything.
And the end
Became the beginning
And we were free at last.
You want so badly
To “let it go”
To “move on”
To “get over it”
But you were never meant to be the kind of person
Who could blindly force your way
To the peak of the mountain
They built on the backs of others
The world you’re moving toward
Requires your whole self
And while the world may tell you differently,
That, my love, is your magic wand, your super power
So you slow down
You get quiet
You breathe into the tightness in your chest
Into the resistance that puts the brakes on
Like a toddler who will not be made to walk to the car
And you listen
You listen for the whispers
From the parts of you
Who are unwilling to be forced forward any longer
To the parts of you
That demand to be cared for
Listened to, honored
And as with any “unreasonable” toddler
When you get curious,
When you meet yourself with gentle inquiry
Instead of force, impatience, irritation
These parts willingly offer you the keys
You need to unlock the dam
That’s blocking your flow
And your job is to continue to go slowly
To not rush the process
To move with exquisite care
As you journey toward a world
That would shock your ancestors
A world where the compass that guides you
Points toward love, generosity,
Abundance in community
Where belonging is found
In an ocean of unconditional support and guidance
Imbued in all that is seen and unseen
Where freedom comes from knowing
And honoring your whole self
With unwavering and radical self-love
I need you to know that
While the tools you used to get yourself this far
Won’t help you on this next step of the adventure,
The well of love you’ve uncovered
Can take you anywhere and everywhere
So, take your own hand
Move with abundant care
Let loving kindness be your compass
And I’ll meet you there
Where they never dreamed we could go
The place only our hearts know