365 Poems
A poem a day for a year.
I remember
and forget,
remember
and forget,
remember
and forget.
Each time convinced
the present state
will last forever
only to find myself
rising and falling
with the shockingly
predictable rhythm
of the ebb and flow
of growing
healing
living
being
Am I still breathing?
I awaken
only to fall
back asleep
over and again.
It’s much less painful
to surrender
than it is to resist,
but oh how we cling
to control
as if our lives
depend on it.
Try to remember
just one thing:
Everything is always changing
and so are we.
And darling,
when you forget,
in your predictable rhythm,
try also to trust
you’ll remember again.
Boiling to the surface
At the edge of spilling over
I am angry
And I’m angry that I’m angry
And you're angry too
And it’s supposed to be
“The most wonderful time of the year”
But we have precious little reference for that
All we ever knew was a thin veneer
Covering a complicated darkness
A maze of unmet needs
Layered atop generational resentment
I don’t want to feel like this
I don’t want to be like this
And the little one in me
Forever fantasizing
About the happy joy magic
Still has hope
Despite all the evidence
I’m afraid
What if nothing really changes?
Or maybe this is change
The small pause
Creating space for all parts
Gentle healing
Through acknowledgement
Of what is present
No forced smiles
No fake joy
No more pretending
Resistance melts slowly
It’s okay to feel sad
It’s okay to feel grief
It’s okay to want to feel safe again
The portal
to deep connection
where you can feel
the stardust
in your bones
and know belonging
in your being
begins within
Immersing deep
within the living
being
breathing
present
self
Following
the golden thread
of desire and delight
The kind of joy
that makes children
deep belly laugh
the kind of warmth
that makes you
feel alive
and whole and
good
It’s safe to feel good
It’s good to feel good
In this place
there’s no work to be done
no five year plans to be made
no need for efforting
or control
From this place
it all just happens
Trust
surrender
whatever you’d like to call it
it’s a here and now practice
This is where
the edges dissolve
and you remember
how immense you are
The way to the universe
is though the individual
and your most efficient path
is that of presence
a lifetime spent
moving outward
reaching forward
arms poised to grasp
onto anything
anyone
close enough
to be a life raft
mother, will you hold me?
now i am standing still
arms wide open
why does it hurt so much?
resting inward
tension building
before relief
release the breath
return to body
i will hold me now.
They float up
on wings
of an ancient creature
perched on the tallest tree
silently watching
everything
and nothing
below
Then they push off
long legs
slender neck
tucked gracefully
soaring high above
My mist damp head
tipped back
in astonishment
watching from the limitations
of humanity
and gravity
Whats it like up there
where great perspective
has the power
to right size
most earthly problems
and everything can shift
in a single instant
of flight?
From my earth perch
I tip my head down
to see
a mossy universe
below me
Suddenly reminded
I too
can shift perspective.
the sunrise
layer upon layer
hearth thawing
beauty
inviting tears
i lose my way
from this
and return
through the portal
of deep
aching
feeling
i miss you
like part of me
is missing
and in the same
breath
i am also
afraid
of you
no one taught me
and/both
and i fear the one
will swallow me whole
but the ache
is the invitation to
everything else
and my world
is more beautiful
through a kaleidoscope
of tears
I just want to remind you
There is nothing,
Nothing
You need to do
To prove your worth,
To be enough,
To be loved,
To be adored.
You are everything,
Everything and so much more.
What is a poem?
Sometimes a prayer,
A spell cast into the universe,
Or a message in a bottle
Dropped into an infinite sea
Words strung together
We build little boats
Hoping they’ll transport us
Sometimes just a list
Made up of truths
Or grief
Or wishes
Little by little
Line by line
Opening the heart
Refocusing our attention
How much easier
It would have been
To give up
A thousand times over
To choose the warn path
Walking in the footsteps
Of generations of avoidance
Toward a slow death
Into a pit of darkness and suffering
But we couldn’t bear it
We imagined another way
And found the support we needed
To do the painful work
Of stepping directly
Into the discomfort
Through the portals of grief
We moved toward
An unsettlingly
Unfamiliar freedom
Into the embrace
Of loving ourselves
We made it possible
To truly love one another
Wide open and honest
There is nothing left to say
I’m no longer willing
To betray myself for your comfort
I’m moving toward truth
While you remain blinded by fear
One day, I hope you’ll join me here
But know this: I won’t be coming back your way
It was our fairy tail
Floating on the saltwater sea
Holding hands
Seaweed tickling our toes
Cradled by the waves
The sun setting in the bright blue sky
We watched the golden light
Touch the moss drenched cypress trees
A coyote dashed across the sand
We were wide eyed in awe
Beauty in every little detail
This is our fairy tail
Oh how I love you
Oh how I love this love
Aftershocks rage through my body
Fifteen years past the main event
Pain that is deep and unrelenting
To fight it is to press into the bruises
The invitation is to surrender
But how can I trust myself
to make it to the other side?
I want to protect you
Little butterfly
Wings so delicate
But oh how you fly
Can I trust the world
To leave you whole?
I’m so afraid it will
Try to tear you down
From where you soar.
And it may try
In fact, I know it will
It tries with all of us.
But you, my love,
Are stronger in your core
Than the iciest of hateful winds
You see the light
Deep inside the dark
You know the layers
Far below the surface
You may look delicate
But you are fierce
Bringing big change
Lead the way
And I’ll be here
A witness to every miracle
You orchestrate
And every gift you share
So openly with the world
My little bitterly
Oh how you fly
Where do I end
and you begin?
I love you
with the very essence
of my being
and it hurts
deep aching love
My heart lives
outside myself
in you
precious one
I was reborn
with you
a catalyst
onto a new path
They say
our children
are our greatest teachers
But I had no idea
that you would
open my heart
this wide
I love you
my little romantic one
sunshine and moonbeam
joy expressed
deep feeling
expander
You are everything
and I hold you in my heart
and dwell in yours
Today I am…
Earth tether
Hold me
When the world
Shakes
Catch me
When the
Ground breaks
Know me
When I
Don’t know
Show me
Where you are
There I am
Anchored
We are connected
Never separate
Great mother
Bring me home
Hold me close
It’s safe
To let go
Let crack
Break open
Spill out
You aren’t too much
The universe is vast
Let yourself be large
You are uncontainable
You are complex
You are living
Breathing
Being
You don’t need
To hold yourself
Together anymore
It’s safe
To let go
Be you
Messy
Raw
Vulnerable
Whole
Your tender heart
What a gift
The practice
must be organic
ebb then flow
ocean dance
saltwater surrender
deep exhale
lost in the spiral
we return anew
and then repeat
you’ll get familiar
with discomfort
she’ll be
your companion
a hand to hold
release resistance
grow toward the light
but don’t forget the dark
There are certain lessons
you can only learn through living
It was never about perfection
or getting it right
Your job
is to show up
to the practice
and bear witness
to what arises
on the path into
the great unknown
The challenge
is to meet yourself
with curiosity
questioning
what you thought you knew
All along the way
you’ll have to choose
the next right step
on a nonlinear
spiraling path
And each time you face
a lesson you thought
you’d already learned
You’ll be invited
to surrender
to the journey
and find compassion
for your process
Remember this
courageous one:
You don’t walk
the path alone
There’s infinite expansion
in the practice
And perfection
was always
a dead-end road
Wonder to the edge of hope
throw yourself into the space
where everything you thought you knew
meets everything you never dared say out loud
Let yourself imagine
the unimaginable
Paint the sky with the
vivid colors of your dreams
Watch your world
turn upside down
Face the fear
of letting go
breaking down
cracking open
no return
He said I contain multitudes
Now look at you
on the edge of hope
larger than life
expanding in a whole new way
Upon waking
I want nothing more
Than to escape
Falling back
Asleep
There’s no relief
I’m turned
Upside down
By my subconscious
This kind of sleep
Magnifies
The anxious mind
Back into
The unforgiving
Waking world
I face the ache
Of avoiding discomfort
Mom!
Ready?
Yes!
They climb to the top
joy beaming from
their triumphant grins.
Over their shoulders
they look to me
for proof of my
unwavering attention.
The air
smells like summer
and we have
nowhere else to be
but here.
From the origin of you
I arrived in a flood
Of life and blood
In the cradle of your arms
You found belonging in my being
Finally, a place to attach meaning
You held on tight
Determined never to let go
Of the unconditional love
Finally, within your grasp
But nothing
Could ever
Fill the shape
Of the empty place
Where your own love
Belongs
Birth is an alarming entry
From the dark cave
Of a mother’s womb
We are spit out
Into the wilderness
Of an unforgiving world
And we begin the journey
Raw, vulnerable,
With the jagged edges
Of all the unlearned lessons
From every life you’ve already lived
Like rough stones
Dropped into an ocean,
Our life becomes a series
Of ebbs and flows
As each wave pulls us
This way and that,
Smoothing out our rough edges,
Dragging us through
The same lessons
Again and again
Though you will resist
With all your strength,
Your first invitation:
Is to release the control
You never really had,
And to surrender yourself
To the experience of returning
Again and again
To the lesson you thought you learned,
The pain you thought you healed,
And to return
To the most jagged
Of wounded edges,
The ones that ask
For the kind of healing
That requires
A lifetime
Of being rolled
Over and over
In the inner ocean
And slowly, but slowly,
As you meet your many layers
With the intimacy
Of a lifelong partner
As you become the adoring
Companion of your own heart
And the roughest
Of your edges soften
You’ll find the pearl
Of unconditional love
That resides within you
Polished by a lifetime
Of being nurtured by
Your inner ocean
Lost in a fog
Disconnected
Uncomfortable
Uncertain
Of the ground
Beneath my feet
Longing for the safety
In belonging
I can’t find my way back
To anything familiar
And I drift further
Into the fog
Until I finally
I give up the fight
And let go
In surrender.
Get quiet
Listen closely
To the very thing
You’re avoiding
Give voice
To the lost part
Do the unthinkable
And step fully
Into the discomfort
Let it rise within
Let it take you under
And in the surrender
Watch the fog lift
As you come up for air
Feel yourself release
In relief
As your feet
Touch the ground
Again
seashells on the dash
everyone makes mistakes
we ran out of gas